Celluloid Heroes

I can’t help thinking that somewhere in the universe there has to be something better than man.

Back when I was in high school and college, a local TV station (KTLA channel 5, I think) would periodically run all five Planet of the Apes movies in one week. I developed a great deal of affection for this particular franchise, despite the obvious flaws in most of the sequels. In honor of the new box set available this past week, I am launching a special, semi-official theme week that I’m calling Simians in the Springtime.

Even before Star Wars, the Apes movies blazed the trail for shameless marketing and tie-ins. Every thing you could buy with a Star Wars logo on it, action figures, lunch boxes and games, you could buy a similar Apes-related item a decade earlier. I don’t believe that there every any Planet of the Apes collectable glasses at Taco Bell, but for virtually everything else under the sun, the apes got there first.

As with most film franchises, the first film is the only one that really justifies its existence. Rather liberally adapted from the novel by Pierre Boulle, the iconic status of Planet of the Apes is a light in which the four sequels can only hope to bask.

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The Russians put our camera made by our German scientists and your film made by your German scientists into their satellite made by their German scientists.

On paper, Ice Station Zebra must have looked like a slam-dunk. The director of The Great Escape helming a film based on the work of the author of The Guns of Navarone. Unforunately, Ice Station Zebra doesn’t possess the sense of adventure found in either of its ancestors.   

That doesn’t mean that this film isn’t enjoyable. When I remember seeing the film in my youth, my primary recollection is of the fairly rigorous authenticity of the submarine sequences. Sub buffs can certainly enjoy the film on that level. There is also some dazzling widescreen photography in some of the at-sea scenes as well, at least until the sub reaches the North Pole and they discover that it’s a soundstage.

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Look Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

2001: A Space Odyssey is probably the most review-proof film in the history of cinema. Critics who try to do an in-depth analysis always come off sounding like freshman philosophy students. In a lot of ways, 2001 is the ultimate cinematic Rorschach test. Any review winds up saying more about the reviewer than about the film itself.

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Look, you work your side of the street, and I’ll work mine.

Because of its legendary car chase through the streets of San Francisco, Bullitt probably has a reputation as a more action-packed movie than it really is. In reality, it’s a fairly realistic and low key cop drama about a witness protection detail that goes horribly wrong.

Bullitt is also the film that makes the best use of the onscreen image of Steve McQueen. He remains, to this day, the quintissential embodiment of “cool.” Almost without effort, he exudes a presence that most actors would kill for and he does it with a minimalist style that sometimes makes Clint Eastwood look like Al Pacino.

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