Celluloid Heroes

I can’t believe we’re paying to see something we get on TV for free! If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker!

By this point, with nineteen years worth of episodes under its belt, the need for a feature length version of The Simpsons seems like a dubious proposition at best. If you really need to see ninety minutes of America’s favorite yellow-skinned losers, there are probably at least that many reruns on Fox’s associated networks that you either haven’t seen yet or don’t remember that you’ve seen. I have the same problem with Law and Order repeats on TNT.

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You’ll understand when you meet her, provided we don’t get murdered by pirates first.

This movie wants to be The Princess Bride so bad it almost makes me feel like a heel to break the news. Almost. Unfortunately, this desperately earnest fantasy overstays its welcome and drags on far too long. Rob Reiner’s fantasy clocked in at a spry 97 minutes while this adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s graphic novel is weighed down by a 127-minute running length. It is without its charming moments, but this movie lacks the overall light touch that it needs to be successful.

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You start down this path, where does it end?

It was probably inevitable, but a faint hint of repetition has crept into the Jason Bourne franchise. This third movie feels and awful lot like the second, but that’s not entirely a bad thing. There is enough energy to what’s happening on screen that you don’t notice the similarity between the two films. Of course, film franchises thrive on a bit of familiarity but we can at least hope that they have the sense to stop long before they have to use ever-increasing numbers of stunt persons to double a geriatric Matt Damon.

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